Who are you when no one is watching?

I’m not just talking about your funny quirks or that headgear you still have to wear to keep your smile aligned.

I’m talking about the “you” that no one else sees except God and those close enough to get the unfiltered version of your existence.

Really think about this for a second…

There is something about this question that is both humbling and haunting.

One of the most powerful moments I’ve had in life and ministry came in the form of a passing comment made by a leader and communicator I respected highly.

The moment came after speaking on stage in front of a thousand people or so. As I returned to my seat in the auditorium and music began to play, this person leaned over to me and gave me words that continue to ring in my ears today.

They weren’t feedback notes. They weren’t hyped up compliments. They weren’t an emotional response to an eloquent message.

They were two simple, grounding, snap-you-to-attention statements that still run through my mind regularly.

This leader leaned over to me, pointed at the platform I had just walked off and said:

“You were made to do that. If you keep your character your top priority, God has a lot in store for you.”

“If you keep your character your top priority…”

*Deep breath*

You feel that right? That humbling reminder of just how fragile everything we get to do is?

I don’t have to remind you of the leaders just like you and I whose character could not sustain their competency.

We all need that kind of sobering reminder to keep our hearts and minds centered on what is most important. See, who you are when no one is watching is far more important than who you are when the stage is set, lights are on, and people are in the seats.

In fact, who you are when no one is watching is far more memorable than any talk you’ll ever give. What really matters is what those closest to you experience from you day in and day out.

Ordering your private world creates a foundation for your public platform.

And in case you’re tempted to think that I’m writing this from a place of pompous self-
righteousness…just know I got unnecessarily angry with my 5-year-old for trying to throw an open water bottle into the cup holder 5 feet away from him and then melting down because it spilled everywhere. Boy did I make sure he knew how ridiculous his action and reaction were.

Oh, and then I quickly remembered that he’s 5 and I’m a grown-up.

I remembered that the imprinted voice he’ll hear inside of his head when he’s 25 may very well be the one I use with him in response to his mistakes.

AND I remembered that the me who him, his siblings, and their mother get to experience every day should be an even healthier, more loving, and joyful me than every audience I get to speak with experiences.

No, it’s not perfection we’re after, it’s progress. It’s becoming more like Jesus in action, not just passing along Jesus’ words on stages. It’s being the kind of person whose character exceeds their competency.

I promise you that who you are when no one is watching is far more important and impactful than anything you will ever say from a stage, into a microphone, or in front of any amount of people.

The people closest to you are who will inherit your real legacy.

So, yes, speak your heart out. Work as hard as you can to become the best communicator possible. BUT then let’s make sure to work even harder to become people whose private lives prove that what we say in public is actually true.

Let’s aim to be people whose words while speaking are backed up by the lives we’re living when no one else is watching.